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Society of the Bewildered GAZETTE All the Bewilderedness that's Fit to Print |
Thelma and Louise 2
Begins Filming in Plano
Ms. McDuck, in an exclusive Bewildered Interview, said she had based her character and costume on a news story (featured elsewhere in this issue of the Gazette) about the new Great Depression in the South. McDuck explained, "Did you see that poor unfortunate woman whose picture was in the news? So poor.... so bewildered... and not an ounce of fashion sense! I just had to make my costume look exactly like her picture!!"
Hollywood insiders have been questioning how a sequel can be made to a movie where both stars die in a sensational car crash at the end of the first movie. Ms. McDucky said that, in a plot twist only slightly less believable than the "Bobby Ewing Dream Sequence," Thelma and Louise are saved when their car sails off the canyon edge into a passing flock of geese which cushion their fall to the canyon floor below. "Just like hitting a downey pillow," explains Ms. Hills.
This new twist is helpful in that it explaines why the two co-stars look so different from the originals. "In our sequel we've spent years in recovery of the "near death" crash. The characters undergo extensive plastic surgery and that will help the audience accept the fact that Beverly and I are so much more beautiful, glamorous, sophisticated, sexy, witty, striking, dynamic, sensual and lovely than Geena and Susan." explains the very modest Ms. McDucky.
Look for this exciting movie at a Bewildered Cimema near you!!
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Great Depression Hits Deep South
In a sweeping tragedy unknown to America since the dust bowls of the 1930's, drought, poverty and a loss of self respect are making a mockery of what was once the proud and nobel south. As the picture to the right shows, Dallas, and especially the suburb community of Plano, Texas are the hardest hit by the new disaster.Here we meet one of the new, tragic members of the classless society. Refusing to give us her name, she referred to herself only as "the duckless one." And, indeed, we can certainly see she is down on her duck.
While she struggled tirelessly against the mucky red clay that passes for soil in this southern wasteland, our reporter ask her why she was so.... well... bewildered?
"You know very well why I am bewildered!" she replied, "Because The Wizard, FKAP moved his Princess and entire Royal Family away from the Cottage of Creeps to Birmingham (via Chicago)."
She then went on to tell us her tale of a wild and reckless youth spent frolicking in heated swimming pools on New Year's Eve, Duck Dancing at Gala Los Angeles Parties and searching the ends of the universe for the perfect margarita.
Now it has come to this! Actually doing one's own yard work! Alas, we can only hope for a brighter future for all in Bewilderedland.
Send your news or comments to the Wizard, fkap
THE PURPOSE of the Society of the Bewildered:
"We're Bewildered, we have a purpose, but we can't remember what it was. Since we can't find it, we've substituted 'DUCK DANCING' and the neverending Search for the Perfect Margarita."MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS:
"The only requirements are 1.) having children (or once knowing someone who had children) and b.) willingness to admit to being a member. It hasn't really been established that men can actually be members. Men, it seems, refuse to admit to being bewildered. However, in defiance of all logic, they are quick to admit being members of the BEWILDERED SOCIETY.With these requirements the list of
non-members grows daily."
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