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Society of the Bewildered GAZETTE
 All the Bewilderedness that's Fit to Print

July 27, 1996

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Scientist Solves Age Old Question:

Which Comes First - The Duck or the Egg?

Dr. Bill and 'Ducks Caught in the Act' Dr. Bill, PhD. today announced the single greatest discovery in the history of science - the answer to the ages old question, "What came first, the duck or the egg?" The answer is, definitively and indisputably, THE DUCK! By proving his theories for ducks, he is certain that the proof will also apply to duck's inferior cousins, the chickens.

Dr. Bill, PhD. had postulated the duck preceded the egg in his revolutionary scientific paper, The Meaning of Life Isn't all It's Quacked Up To Be. Bill postulated that ducks were not actually ever eggs. They simply and cleverly disguised themselves as eggs to fool predators, supermarket clerks and bird watchers. But evidence of his theories proved elusive.

Dr. Bill set out to catch Duck Eggs in action. Huge sums were spent at local duck farms purchasing duck eggs. Bill would open the egg carton at odd moments, hoping to catch the ducks "in the act." Time and time again, he failed. An object of ridicule, Bill was often forced to eat his experiments just to survive.

But, at long last Dr. Bill, PhD was rewarded. By building computer controlled mechanical carton-opening machines, he finally drove the ducks to distraction! Video cameras were set up to catch all the action on tape. Finally, Dr. Bill succeeded! The ducks were caught off guard and revealed their true nature.

Once captured, the ducks surrendered. They gave up the egg camoflague and promised to let Bill photograph them in their true state. The Gazette has gain exclusive rights to the photo above.

Dr. Bill, PhD (Philosophy of Duckology) is already acknowledged as the world's leading authority in the field of duckimus humorous. His massive duck anthology covers many volumes and will be published on the Internet at some future date. Today, the Internet simply does not have sufficient "billwidth" to handle the demand for a work of this scope.

Skyhawk Caught in a Compromising Position

But the Lucky Ducks Clearly Work!!!

Skyhawk gets 'Lucky' in Cripple Creek, ColoradoThe latest evidence of the LUCK carried by The Society of the Bewildered Lucky Ducks is exhibited by the photograph at right, showing that Skyhawk got "Lucky" with, not just one, but two beautiful showgirls in the wide-open gambling town of Cripple Creek, Colorado.

The Lucky Duck's magic wasn't just limited to this show of affection. In addition Lara, Skyhawks fiancee, was called from the audience to star in the show. Lara said it was truly a "growing" experience.

The Duck felt he was the one who really got lucky!Before the couple left the old mining town, luck struck once more - Skyhawk hit a $200.00 jackpot on a 25 cent slot machine. Rumor has it that the duck requested to be left with the showgirl! He claimed he "earned it."



Bewildered Site of the Unspecified Time Period

The Onion

I'm sure you've seen one or more of the remakes of the stage play (and movie) The Front Page? Who can forget Spencer Tracy battling Katherine Hepburn to be the first "to get the scoop?" Now the environment on the Internet is just like the good old days of newspaper reporting. MSNBC is racing USATODAY ON-LINE is racing PRODIGY AP ON-LINE is racing TIME MAGAZINE ON-LINE.......

Even humble publications like The Society of the Bewildered Gazette is under pressure to be the first to break a story! But one newspaper has been consistently beating us all: The Onion. They were the first to break the scandal of the Special Olympics ("Everybody is NOT a Winner"). Just look at this short list of award winning stories:

The solution to all problems can be found on the internet.


The Society of the Bewildered GAZETTE Archives

The May 4, 1996 Issue (Thelma and Louise)
The June 14, 1996 Issue (Pink Flamingos)
The June 21, 1996 Issue (The Royal Society)
The July 11, 1996 Issue (Bill Breaks Wind)

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