Society of the Bewildered

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Society of the Bewildered GAZETTE

All the Bewilderedness that's Fit to Print

August, 1999

Number of Bewildered People who have read this ISSUE -

Miracle Diet Discovery

Dr. Beaker Makes Remarkable Discovery

"Lose Weight While Working on the Computer"

Before
After

In an incredible series of events, the Society of the Bewildered acclaimed scientist, Saint Beaker, has discovered a diet that produces instant results!
"Beyond a doubt this discovery will revolutionize dieting in this country," slurred the Saint after making this discovery.
"The process of dieting involves taking medicinal quantities of margaritas while doing computer work", Beaker added, "I'm surprised and pleased that such results can be achieved while sitting."
The reaction in the Scientific community was overwhelming.

18% wanted to know what Dr. Beak was drinking (undoubtedly in an effort to duplicate the experiment, commented the Doctor).
8% wanted to know the brand of computer (undoubtedly in order to buy stock in the company).
2% wanted to know exactly what software was involved
72% just shook their heads and mumbled (jealousy, no doubt).
Here is the secret:
"Only very small amounts of the wonder drug are required - only four or five or six or seven...." Beak advised.
"Then just sit down and work on photo imaging software - I find Corel PhotoPaint 9 works best."
"Small monitors really help improve the results. I believe this is because your eyes use extraordinary amounts of calories," Beaker guessed.
"The absolute proof is in the two pictures above" No one can ever question a photograph. Plus, I have a witness - the Princess - if and when she ever wakes up.

Bewildered Site of the Unspecified Time Period

Morning Coffee- Newly Updated!!
For those of you who sign on every morning to get the latest news and gossip we offer this "Site of the Unspecified Time Period." Updated in even more irregular periods the THE SOCIETY GAZETTE, Morning Coffee is always good for a laugh or a smile to start your day. And - you can submit your "true stories" to the collection.
Even in the morning, even before coffee, the problem to all solutions can be found on the Internet.

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THE PURPOSE of the Society of the Bewildered:
"We're Bewildered, we have a purpose, but we can't remember what it was. Since we can't find it, we've substituted 'DUCK DANCING' and the never ending Search for the Perfect Marguarita."
MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS:
"The only requirements are 1.) having children (or once knowing someone who had children) and b.) willingness to admit to being a member. It hasn't really been established that men can actually be members. Men, it seems, refuse to admit to being bewildered. However, in defiance of all logic, they are quick to admit being members of the BEWILDERED SOCIETY.
With these requirements the list of non-members grows daily."

THINK YOU MEASURE UP?? Join the Society Today

Here are some OTHER PLACES
You can be BEWILDERED!

THE SOCIETY
Member Profiles
Photo Album
the WIZARD, fkap
the Wizard, fkap Journal
the Wizards Home Page
The Phoebe Cates Resource Directory
Gem of the Day (tm)

The Society of the Bewildered GAZETTE Archives
The May 4, 1996 Issue (Thelma and Louise)
The June 14, 1996 Issue (Pink Flamingos)
The June 21, 1996 Issue (The Royal Society)
The July 11, 1996 Issue (Bill Breaks Wind)
The August 13, 1996 Issue (Scientist Solve Duck-Egg Question)
The September 2, 1996 Issue (Lucky Ducks Continue to Work Magic)
The October 12, 1996 Issue (Society Picks Presidential Candidates)
The March, 1999 Issue (Who Is This Woman?/Scuba Ants Reprint)
There are STILL ISSUES MISSING & the WIZARD is trying to find them....
HECK! You may actually be reading an old issue right now! The NEW ISSUE is always located at http://www.wizardfkap.com/society Be sure you know where you are.

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